Plain Dry

As dry as a summer land, my life is cracking from all the shits. As wet as the heavy rain days, my tears are flowing like the tsunami in Thailand. 

Things have never been easy. Even simple ones are destined to be complicated. How? Simply by people. This will be a very dry post, no picture and plain text. Emotions are risked because it’s tough and complex. I wish we can simplify what we feel. I wish emotions can be filtered in ways that it can ease the sadness it stirs. This time, its dullness that surpasses everything.

Honestly, I have been sad. Always been. I guess my laughter and smiles are pretty well played on my social stage. People get to see me as problem free, but I am not. I am just good  at forgetting them. Yes I can do that, pretty easily. But it’s never been good because they’ll haunt you down during your own self nights. I get to feel the need to just go jump from the highest point I could find because there’s nobody in this world that I can say what I feel.

I don’t have friends. I don’t have a family. I only have ones who are there, but I cannot tell them what I really feel. They will not understand, I do not understand too why. Do I need my own psychologist? Haha hell yeah, I need a life. I need God.

Whatever it is that they called life? Never been easier, for all of us. All of us are the same. Even if my problems don’t sound so heavy, I still need comfort. If you think other people suffers more? No, we all do suffer similarly. Sometimes some just able to show their reasons clearly for other people to pity them. While some are too hesitant to tell, because they themselves are trapped. However, I envy those who have clear reasons because they are the strong ones. They able to broadcast to the world how they feel, not maybe by mouth it can also through their actions. I salute them for the courage, to show that they are sad and lonely. I salute them!.

This post was so emotional that I wanna cut the crap out of it. Sorry for those who get to meet a bad luck on the way and get their selves to read this. I am just overrating myself because I felt poorly sad and alone. Atleast I have my blog to put rants onto and be delusional at the craps I experienced in my life. Why am I so dramatic? But wait, am I?  I am not bitter I am just lonely and helpless. I felt like life has been torturing me, little by little. However these little tortures are starting to get bigger as one, and hell it is I am starting to feel like I am lost. I got nowhere to go. I guess living has always been always up to you. Shit, other people are all just decorations, something that you have to forget. Never get too attached. Shit I have been so emotional and irrational already. Fully incapable of well-sound reasons and I am blaming everything for nonsense. I know I am bipolar in thoughts because I am masquerading myself?  Hiding behind the facade, yes that’s I am. Lost and unreal. Fvcked up,

marei ;/

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